This Thing With You
by Gitana
Summary: A more serious look at the Spike and Harmony thing back in S4.


"**This Thing With You"**

**By**: Gitana  
**Pairings**: Spike/Harmony  
**Rating**: R  
**Summary**: A more serious look at the Spike and Harmony thing back in S4.  
**Spoilers**: Minor spoilers for S4, "Harsh Light Of Day"  
**Disclaimer**: Basically, it all belongs to Mutant Enemy and Joss Whedon.  
**Story Notes**: Alternate events for "Harsh Light Of Day"

* * *

There it was, in all its glory, waiting for him. He advanced toward the grim black diamond that rested on top of an old table full of small treasures, but none mattered, not like the Gem of Amarra mattered. He took it and pressed it tightly inside his trembling hands.

"So, that's it?"

Spike turned around to find Harmony standing there, annoyingly trying to get his attention. He closed his eyes, trying to convince himself of at least one reason he shouldn't kill her now, this very moment.

"Get out." His voice irritated and angered.

Her eyes black with pain, she shook her head more than once. She looked for strength to stand up to him, maybe even make him respect her. "No. I want to be with you." Like that, she took away all his anger, all his insults, all his un-love. He's been in her shoes before, he's been there and it hurts. It hurts to the point of madness, of dying, of being killed and not caring, even wanting it. Spike was weak, Harmony was in love.

She didn't know how it hurt him he didn't love her back. One of the many reasons he couldn't stand looking at her anymore for long periods of time, the pain would become visually heart breaking, seeing her suffer. But he couldn't actually love her. There was nothing else to do. And he tried, tried harder than he would ever admit to himself.

Sex was his biggest triumph. He would love her then, deeply. Pour the affection he held for her into his movements, his whole body would shiver trying to come up with a consolation prize for her, for his lack of anything else. He wouldn't stop until she was tired, even if he had tired way before she did. There would be nothing but love between them, love and water. Inexplicably, he could never care the same when he was outside of her. He'd never understand.

He made sure the Gem worked. He held a cross and tried to set himself on fire. After hours of convincing, finally he had Harmony stake him, then he went out into the sun. Nothing could touch him. When he stayed close, Harmony happily looked from safe places. She loved how he looked in direct light, his eyes would sparkle and his skin would sometimes glow along with the light. It was great.

No one knew of or even thought of Spike in Sunnydale these days. Life went on without him, without Dru, without Angelus. He noticed Angel wasn't in town anymore. He noticed Sunnydale High was a little different than he remembered, he noticed many other changes and he wondered.

"I'm not going to kill her." Spike said to Harmony while she painted her nails.

"Who?" She asked back.

"The slayer."

Spike was meeting a new side of Sunnydale, the actual sunny part he had to hide from without his new good luck charm. He studied people in the sun, their shiny faces and their lovely eyes. He didn't like it. He didn't remember it being this meaningless. He missed the quietness of the night, the shyness and the wild. He missed the dark alleys that sometimes were his home, his battlefield, his love paradise. Alleys could turn into all sorts of places. But the sun did have some good moments. Women were tanning under it. Beautiful creatures they were, if not dangerous. Tanning lines made him think of Harmony's overly white, cold skin because knew he'd like her better warm, and tanned and glowing. But she was dead. There was nothing he could love about her but the fact that she loved him, loved him with desperation and obsession like teenagers do. Like the teenager she was. But it was a start, loving something of her.

Harmony was also clueless and childish, too dramatic for him. She was still afraid of things that now feared her and she still dressed like a school girl. Which wasn't all that bad, he liked that a lot. Yet underneath the surface she was vulnerable and Spike didn't know what to do with her.

After thinking too much he returned to the crypt where Harmony waited to hear all about it. Hear all about she was missing, all she couldn't do anymore. He would've given her the Gem for a little while so she could revisit her old life, the beach, the football field where she shook her pom poms for four years, but he just couldn't find a way to give to give it to her, so he told her all about it when he came back home. Always reminding her that she could go after the sun went down. It wasn't the same, they knew, but it was something.

"Really?!" She would squeal with excitement and longing hearing all about the light of day tales. "I used to do that all the time!" Harmony remembered.

Spike saw hundreds of young girls that were exactly like her. But he saw something in them he couldn't find in Harmony and that was ok with him. At least she was different, spoiled and stupid, but different. By taking a glance he knew none of them could love him like she does, care for him like she tries not to and annoy him like she wonderfully can. Not so deep down, Harmony had the potential to be a great person to be with, maybe in a hundred years she'd be perfect, "And what's a hundred years these days?" He would casually say to himself like a mantra. A hundred years of living with the same body would make her more mature. It would slowly mold her fleeting mind letting her stay forever young, beautiful.

"She's yet to grow up and I'm already worn out." He thought of her. Taking a small interest in her life before, he tried remembering Harmony's life facts. He knew some stuff about her… Her popularity, being Cordelia's shadow, but he hadn't heard of her boyfriends.

"Harm?" Spike called out and she would appear in front before he could close his mouth. "Sit here." He said patting the side of bed next to him and she would without saying a word. "Harm... When did you lose virginity?" She froze and looked down to her hands sitting on her lap. She didn't really understand the question and really didn't want him to know the answer. He continued looking at her with curiosity.

"With you." She said with undeniable shyness and embarrassment. "Lame, huh? I just, I just couldn't bring myself to do it before." He hadn't stopped looking at her. "But now I can't get pregnant, I can't get anything really. And I liked you a lot."

"Harm..." He felt good about himself, and guilty as all. "Did it hurt?" It was all he could think of. She smiled, "Still does."

He frowned, he didn't understand. He'd understand it later. Later when they were at it again and he would stare into her face looking for signs of hurt or pain. _It doesn't look like she's hurting very much_. He thought to himself, but then he got it. _It hurts because she knows I don't love her. _This thing with Harmony was certainly something new.

THE END.


End file.
